(…and the groom-to-be is really annoying you!)
Hmmmm, it’s not easy is it – this whole relationship lark. Plus you’re planning a wedding, planning a hen party, trying to keep your Mum in Law happy and probably trying to loose just a couple more pounds in time for the big day.
I’ve been married for 7 years and what I’d say is, men are really, really bloody annoying sometimes (especially when planning a wedding) but husbands are even more annoying. The reason being that contrary to when you were both single and trying to impress each other with your dazzling wit and helpfulness once you’re married things do go to a different level.
Before you get married you have a row and you can quite easily storm off and never speak to said annoying man ever again. However once you are married, in my opinion this is no longer an option (obviously there are a million caveats to this). So what one of you has to do, at some point is swallow your pride and find someway to apologise.
Even if it’s just for the sake of keeping the peace. I’ve got two small children so I do this rather rapidly. Sulking for 2 days is not an option if I want a happy house hold. Don’t get me wrong I could sulk for 2 days – maybe even 3 but it probably wouldn’t be appropriate.
How do you say you’re sorry? That should read, How do you say you’re sorry when you’re not sorry?!
Eric Kispert, a relationship and marital therapist in private practice, argues that a simple “I’m sorry” is insufficient to repair a damaged relationship. Instead, he offers the following system he coins, “The Five Steps to a Complete Repair.” The steps are as follows:
1. “I am sorry for…” *only wanting to talk about planning a wedding!*
As they say, the first step is often the most difficult. Offering a sincere apology is no exception. This is the part when the offender must assume responsibility and acknowledge wrongdoing. It’s not enough to simply apologize. The offender must direct focus on rebuilding the emotion their behavior has compromised for another.
2. “I am committed to changing my behaviour from this point forward.” *I will talk about other things apart from my hen party planning with Glam Hatters!*
So the offender is sorry. Now, what are they going to do about it? How will they affect change so that the offending behavior no longer occurs? This step requires the offender get some skin in the game. The gesture is meaningful because it shows the apology’s recipient the offender values their relationship and is interested in not only preserving it, but also in strengthening it from this point forward.
3. “Will you forgive me?” *for threatening throw the wedding decorations out of the window?!*
Seeking forgiveness from another means the offender wants the person they wronged to know their feelings still matter. The recipient’s opinion is important, and the offender doesn’t want the recipient to continue perceiving them, and the past behavior, in a negative light. Implicit in this question is the offender wanting the person they hurt to consider the possibility of a future relationship with them. The ball is now in their court, and all the offender can do is wait.
4. “Thank you.”*For admitting you have turned into Bridezilla*
Here the aggrieved acknowledges the offender’s apology, letting them know it has been received. But that doesn’t mean all is right with the world.
5. “I forgive you.” *And I’m looking forward to hearing all about your wedding planning ideas*
The more difficult of the two steps for the aggrieved is extending forgiveness. Very often forgiving someone may need to be tabled for the time being. And that’s okay. Forgiveness should only be granted when the aggrieved feels absolutely ready to offer it. The offender must, therefore, be prepared to wait. If the offender is truly repentant, and receiving forgiveness is important to them, they will gladly do so.
Kispert proposes that engaging in this five-pronged apology, especially when a couple is married, is tantamount to renewing the commitment made on a couple’s wedding day.
So there it is ladies, It’s all about the 5 step plan to keep things on track whilst you’re planning a wedding. Next time your man really, really annoys you (as mine has done this afternoon) try all of the above. If all else fails how about putting a positive spin on it – you can alway make it in to a blog post!
With Love & Laughter, Glam Hatter Girl xxx
Glam Hatters have lots of fabulous hen party packages here
For more information about these illustrations…
I pack my things and go here
I’m sorry neon sign here
Bride photograph by Tim Walker.
Illustration by Adrian Valencia here
“I never thought I would see you again”By Laura Gee here